my only escape.

honestly, i've decided that blogspot is my only real escape.
i do realize there are a few people that follow me on this,
but first of all,
they are people that i trust.
ALSO, this is a place that i can be honest with myself.
i really should not worry about what other people think of me anyways.

i choose blogspot because there are certain people that i actually DON'T want to know.
well not necessarily that i don't want them to know,
but more it's just easier for me to express myself knowing that they won't read it.

so there's this boy.
i will not name names, write descriptions, or identify them in anyway.
but when i talk to him and see him,
things suddenly are happier and simpler.
he goes out of his way to see me and to spend time with me.
it's really something i appreciate.
he knows.. ALWAYS knows when something is wrong,
even if all we're doing is texting.
and usually i'm not that easy of a person to read.
this in itself makes me realize how lucky i am. :)
i know this is too cheesy and lame for my blog.
i can't help it though,
ever since i've been talking to him i've really been content.
i'm not saying there weren't any downfalls in this.
when there were though, they were my fault and i really do regret it.
i've gone through the whole doubting and insecurity stage countless amounts of times.
only to come out of it realizing how stupid and dramatic i was being.
yet he still manages to stand by me regardless of how i acted.
there are many complications with the friendship i have with this person.
MANY complications. but we are both willing to work with them.
but i really do hope that sometime in the future,
things will be much simpler and will work out the way i'd like.
he makes me laugh ALL the time and can get me out of the worst moods.
i am also able to tell him everything.. EVERYTHING without feeling judged.
i also know that a lot of his friends would not appreciate us being a friends.
but he told me the other day that it didn't matter to him.
what's even weirder is that i feel the same way.
usually i am easily affected by what others think of me.
but i really could not care less if people don't like this.
most importantly to me though, he truly cares.
i've never met a person that genuinely cared as much as he does.
no, there is no physical evidence of this, but sometimes you just know.

to wrap things up, i like him.
he knows this and i am truly thankful to have him in my life.
i am blessed.

***edit: june 7, 2011
even though things didn't work out with this person in that way,
we are still closer than ever, well at least i feel that he is to me.
and what's funny is,
although i don't feel any of these things in a romantic way anymore,
each thing i said in this post are still as relevant as ever.
funny how fine the line is between liking someone as a "friend, and loving someone as a best friend.
it's unbelievable how much this same person means to me,
just in a different way now.