my trust in people.

this summer i have learned a lot about my trust in people.
at the moment i can honestly say out of the 2 people i trust (other than family),
only one of them is someone that i've known for more than a couple years.
these two people, i would give my life for them.
but like i have said in a previous post,
i find that i tend to go through friends in cycles.
bad habit? insecurity? lack of trust?
i don't know what it is,
but i feel like out of anyone,
i'm the one that should be trusted the least.
JUST in high school i can think of 5 or 6 "best friends" that i now rarely talk to.
yes, all of them i still consider friends.
i try to consider all people who i cross paths with friends.
but would i trust each of them with my most intimate information? probably not.
at the moment there are 2 people, that's it.
so maybe it's me.
maybe i'm the one that should be avoided as a "best friend"
rather than me constantly blaming others for our distancing relationships.
regardless, i try to be there for people no matter what.
i will admit though, i have had to deal with some pretty frustrating "best friends."
so this may be the reason i've lost my ability to fully trust.
yes, sometimes i don't even understand myself.
all i can say is, i appreciate every single person that has come and gone in my life.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
even if things are not smooth sailing now,
it's people who were the most important to me at one point that have shaped me into who i am now.
and there are no words that could express my appreciation for that.
for the two that i put before myself right now,
you just don't know how grateful i am for allowing me to trust you.
and seriously, i don't take that for granted because i know how difficult that is for me to find.