I look back at previous blog posts, tweets, facebook statuses, etc.
and although it's not all of them, MANY of them are nothing but complaints.
i try to consider myself a very positive person,
some may not agree, but i pray to God that most would.
with that said,
i've decided that i need to remind myself of the things i'm blessed with.
i could not have a better life and i sometimes take that for granted.
so rather than just your typical blog,
i've decided this one to be a prayer. a thank you prayer.
dear God,
i know i may not show appreciation for the small things in my life,
but i'm here right now to do so.
i want to list the ones that come to mind right here, right now,
but you know that is far from being all of them.
what i am thankful for:
-mercy and forgiveness
-my family (immediate and extended)
-the gift to see past people's flaws and mistakes
-the ability to let go of any unnecessary burdens
-my love for people
-my best friend in the whole world who's there to end my days perfectly
-my home and bed (i love my bed.)
-my "sister" who's gone through thick and thin with me since the 4th grade
-the hugs i get. they mean more to me than anyone could imagine
-the food i eat on a daily basis (sometimes more than i should)
-education and the environment i was raised in
-my homework (that i hate to do.)
-the skittles we had when i had a craving
-my pillowpet that my sister gave me
-the 6 pillows on my bed
-mac and phone
-all the pictures i've been able to take with the people i love
-my friends who are there to keep me on track
-music i've been lucky to hear
-the sushi and mochi ice cream i got to eat today
-all these movies i've seen
-the hopes and dreams i have
-nail polish i can paint my toe nails with (i dislike feet.. even mine)
-my ability to smile
-my faith in people
-the love i am constantly feeling all around me
-SO MUCH MORE
i thought i'd be able to list most of the things i'm grateful for,
but i just can't. there is way too many things.
all i know is that You have blessed me.
so thank you so much.
i will forever be grateful.
love you so much, God.
AMEN!
so elissa, please remember this.
keep your head up, your faith strong, and your heart grateful.
because there's nothing like living in contentment.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
i just thought of something.
i complain about others (to ONE person that tolerates my ranting) as if i'm the exception.
i'll constantly catch myself saying "well they are..." "well that's how girls.." "those people..."
who EVER said i am the exception?!
i am just as much of an irritation as any of them!
so if you ever hear me saying mean things about people,
just know that i am including myself in that.
because i am no different.
silly elissa, grow up!
i'll constantly catch myself saying "well they are..." "well that's how girls.." "those people..."
who EVER said i am the exception?!
i am just as much of an irritation as any of them!
so if you ever hear me saying mean things about people,
just know that i am including myself in that.
because i am no different.
silly elissa, grow up!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
my trust in people.
this summer i have learned a lot about my trust in people.
at the moment i can honestly say out of the 2 people i trust (other than family),
only one of them is someone that i've known for more than a couple years.
these two people, i would give my life for them.
but like i have said in a previous post,
i find that i tend to go through friends in cycles.
bad habit? insecurity? lack of trust?
i don't know what it is,
but i feel like out of anyone,
i'm the one that should be trusted the least.
JUST in high school i can think of 5 or 6 "best friends" that i now rarely talk to.
yes, all of them i still consider friends.
i try to consider all people who i cross paths with friends.
but would i trust each of them with my most intimate information? probably not.
at the moment there are 2 people, that's it.
so maybe it's me.
maybe i'm the one that should be avoided as a "best friend"
rather than me constantly blaming others for our distancing relationships.
regardless, i try to be there for people no matter what.
i will admit though, i have had to deal with some pretty frustrating "best friends."
so this may be the reason i've lost my ability to fully trust.
yes, sometimes i don't even understand myself.
all i can say is, i appreciate every single person that has come and gone in my life.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
even if things are not smooth sailing now,
it's people who were the most important to me at one point that have shaped me into who i am now.
and there are no words that could express my appreciation for that.
for the two that i put before myself right now,
you just don't know how grateful i am for allowing me to trust you.
and seriously, i don't take that for granted because i know how difficult that is for me to find.
at the moment i can honestly say out of the 2 people i trust (other than family),
only one of them is someone that i've known for more than a couple years.
these two people, i would give my life for them.
but like i have said in a previous post,
i find that i tend to go through friends in cycles.
bad habit? insecurity? lack of trust?
i don't know what it is,
but i feel like out of anyone,
i'm the one that should be trusted the least.
JUST in high school i can think of 5 or 6 "best friends" that i now rarely talk to.
yes, all of them i still consider friends.
i try to consider all people who i cross paths with friends.
but would i trust each of them with my most intimate information? probably not.
at the moment there are 2 people, that's it.
so maybe it's me.
maybe i'm the one that should be avoided as a "best friend"
rather than me constantly blaming others for our distancing relationships.
regardless, i try to be there for people no matter what.
i will admit though, i have had to deal with some pretty frustrating "best friends."
so this may be the reason i've lost my ability to fully trust.
yes, sometimes i don't even understand myself.
all i can say is, i appreciate every single person that has come and gone in my life.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
even if things are not smooth sailing now,
it's people who were the most important to me at one point that have shaped me into who i am now.
and there are no words that could express my appreciation for that.
for the two that i put before myself right now,
you just don't know how grateful i am for allowing me to trust you.
and seriously, i don't take that for granted because i know how difficult that is for me to find.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
this needs to be LESS... inconsistent.
so i realize that i come to this blog maybe once every 3-5 months.
yes, i know.
there are two potential rationales for this.
one is that my life is beyond boring and i really don't have anything to talk about.
the other is that my life is SO eventful that i don't have TIME to talk about it.
i am still contemplating this.
but for right now i will substantially, yet briefly (is that an oxymoron or just a juxtaposition?)
express what has been going on in my mind.. and well, my life.
as of last quarter i decided to transfer schools to la sierra.
i get the same question over and over again "WHY?"
that is a very good question, but at the same time very difficult answer.
i guess this is because i have no reasoning towards the decision.
it's actually just something i felt would be best for me.
not going to lie, i am very excited, other than the thought of leaving my friends.
i will miss them immensely.
there is a boy in my life.
sometimes i wonder why when hearing this the automatic assumption is
"so you're dating someone."
no, i am not dating anyone nor am i "talking to" anybody.
when i say there is a boy in my life,
i am referring to the person i feel closest to at this moment.
the person who keeps me motivated on most days.
the one who i am able to express myself in detail to without hesitation.
and not only that, but the guy who knows me better than anyone else.
as you can see, i have much appreciation for this person.
i think the one thing that really convinced me of our LONG-LASTING friendship is this:
when i have a "problem" in my life or have something i need to vent about,
he doesn't sit there and feel sorry for me or give me sympathy.
(although that's something we all kind of fish for at some point)
instead he tells me, no things WILL change and pushes me out of my slump.
instead he gives me a reality check.
INSTEAD, he doesn't hold back and tells me what i NEED to hear, not what i WANT to.
i see it as a "pull yourself together and deal with it."
that's not something you get from every other friend.
honestly, i could go on and on about this topic,
but for now i'll leave it at that.
we all need a "best friend" in our lives and i'm lucky to have found mine.
i love ending my days with being myself with him.
and i will do my best to not lose it.
in fact, i myself will never lose it.
it's going to be up to him whether or not there will ever be an end.
i pinky promise.
my next topic kind of goes off on a tangent on the previous one.
i tried to rekindle a couple of friendships recently with people i've lost.
this is something i hear a lot "elissa knows everyone" "you're friends with everyone"
it may seem this way but i tend to have a bad habit.
i distance myself from some of the most important people in life at a certain point.
yes, it has happened rather consistently unfortunately.
and i HAVE told the one i talked about in the last paragraph thing.
i am on a mission to not let this happen again. i can't afford that.
in fact, i am not going anywhere.
if that friendship were to ever end, it'd be because that person chooses for it to, not me.
BUT back to the people i have tried to make amends with.
there are two former friends i had that, in all honesty, were the cause of lots of heartache.
i unintentionally lied for them, defended them, and lost friends because of them.
at first, i was convinced that i didn't care because these two were all i needed.
i came to the conclusion, after lots of sadness and stress, that i was wrong. VERY WRONG.
although i tend to have this "habit,"
i am also not the type to like conflict. i avoid it as much as i can.
and this is the only friendship that had subsided badly.
so with this conscience i have been blessed/cursed with,
i tried to fix things. make things right.
in a way, i guess this is all due to selfish intentions.
i had decided that if i were to die right now,
i'd have no regrets except for this.
and that was not something i wanted to live with.
but of course, this all backfired.
i received blame, frustration, and lack of compromise.
it's what i deserve i guess, but it was a little painful.
i did my part though, and i can't dwell on it anymore.
i've been privileged enough to find people that WILL look past my flaws,
and for that i could not be more grateful.
i FINALLY renewed my disneyland pass.
PRAISE THE LORD.
it had been over 7 months since i had one and for me, that's torture.
but i was away for college so i guess it wouldn't have done me much good anyways.
i plan to make very good use of it though.
i don't have any money to waste, right?
so take full advantage of this opportunity!
i am avoiding facebook for the time being.
this is kind of my very own "detox."
people keep telling me to go back on,
but i think that's like being tempted with alcohol for an alcoholic.
i need to overcome this urge before i can safely get back to it.
i'll be back by the time school starts though. :)
other than all of this, my life is pretty boring.
hanging out with friends and family here and there.
taking more insight on my life and what i need to do in order to grow in all aspects.
to sum it all up, my life is amazing.
i could not ask for anymore and i have nothing to complain about.
THANK GOD.
hopefully i'll remember to update this more.
it will probably be good to have as a reminder of what my life was like later in the future.
i love blogging.
yes, i know.
there are two potential rationales for this.
one is that my life is beyond boring and i really don't have anything to talk about.
the other is that my life is SO eventful that i don't have TIME to talk about it.
i am still contemplating this.
but for right now i will substantially, yet briefly (is that an oxymoron or just a juxtaposition?)
express what has been going on in my mind.. and well, my life.
as of last quarter i decided to transfer schools to la sierra.
i get the same question over and over again "WHY?"
that is a very good question, but at the same time very difficult answer.
i guess this is because i have no reasoning towards the decision.
it's actually just something i felt would be best for me.
not going to lie, i am very excited, other than the thought of leaving my friends.
i will miss them immensely.
there is a boy in my life.
sometimes i wonder why when hearing this the automatic assumption is
"so you're dating someone."
no, i am not dating anyone nor am i "talking to" anybody.
when i say there is a boy in my life,
i am referring to the person i feel closest to at this moment.
the person who keeps me motivated on most days.
the one who i am able to express myself in detail to without hesitation.
and not only that, but the guy who knows me better than anyone else.
as you can see, i have much appreciation for this person.
i think the one thing that really convinced me of our LONG-LASTING friendship is this:
when i have a "problem" in my life or have something i need to vent about,
he doesn't sit there and feel sorry for me or give me sympathy.
(although that's something we all kind of fish for at some point)
instead he tells me, no things WILL change and pushes me out of my slump.
instead he gives me a reality check.
INSTEAD, he doesn't hold back and tells me what i NEED to hear, not what i WANT to.
i see it as a "pull yourself together and deal with it."
that's not something you get from every other friend.
honestly, i could go on and on about this topic,
but for now i'll leave it at that.
we all need a "best friend" in our lives and i'm lucky to have found mine.
i love ending my days with being myself with him.
and i will do my best to not lose it.
in fact, i myself will never lose it.
it's going to be up to him whether or not there will ever be an end.
i pinky promise.
my next topic kind of goes off on a tangent on the previous one.
i tried to rekindle a couple of friendships recently with people i've lost.
this is something i hear a lot "elissa knows everyone" "you're friends with everyone"
it may seem this way but i tend to have a bad habit.
i distance myself from some of the most important people in life at a certain point.
yes, it has happened rather consistently unfortunately.
and i HAVE told the one i talked about in the last paragraph thing.
i am on a mission to not let this happen again. i can't afford that.
in fact, i am not going anywhere.
if that friendship were to ever end, it'd be because that person chooses for it to, not me.
BUT back to the people i have tried to make amends with.
there are two former friends i had that, in all honesty, were the cause of lots of heartache.
i unintentionally lied for them, defended them, and lost friends because of them.
at first, i was convinced that i didn't care because these two were all i needed.
i came to the conclusion, after lots of sadness and stress, that i was wrong. VERY WRONG.
although i tend to have this "habit,"
i am also not the type to like conflict. i avoid it as much as i can.
and this is the only friendship that had subsided badly.
so with this conscience i have been blessed/cursed with,
i tried to fix things. make things right.
in a way, i guess this is all due to selfish intentions.
i had decided that if i were to die right now,
i'd have no regrets except for this.
and that was not something i wanted to live with.
but of course, this all backfired.
i received blame, frustration, and lack of compromise.
it's what i deserve i guess, but it was a little painful.
i did my part though, and i can't dwell on it anymore.
i've been privileged enough to find people that WILL look past my flaws,
and for that i could not be more grateful.
i FINALLY renewed my disneyland pass.
PRAISE THE LORD.
it had been over 7 months since i had one and for me, that's torture.
but i was away for college so i guess it wouldn't have done me much good anyways.
i plan to make very good use of it though.
i don't have any money to waste, right?
so take full advantage of this opportunity!
i am avoiding facebook for the time being.
this is kind of my very own "detox."
people keep telling me to go back on,
but i think that's like being tempted with alcohol for an alcoholic.
i need to overcome this urge before i can safely get back to it.
i'll be back by the time school starts though. :)
other than all of this, my life is pretty boring.
hanging out with friends and family here and there.
taking more insight on my life and what i need to do in order to grow in all aspects.
to sum it all up, my life is amazing.
i could not ask for anymore and i have nothing to complain about.
THANK GOD.
hopefully i'll remember to update this more.
it will probably be good to have as a reminder of what my life was like later in the future.
i love blogging.
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