valentine's day.

well it came, and it went.

today was just not a great day.
i have not been this down in awhile.
no, i am not gonna get all emo or anything.
everyone just has those days. you know?

well for starters, this weekend was college days.
i got lucky enough to help!
it was pretty fun to see people who i haven't seen in awhile.
but of course, all great things come to an end.
they all had to leave today.
it's nice to have my room back and everything,
but at the same time, it's rather lonely.
according to my assessment text.
i am 9.2/10 extroverted/social/people-related.
so that just expains a lot right there.

along with that,
today is also valentine's day.
people are out and about,
enjoying each other's romantic company, etc.
but being the cynical person i am,
i have never and probably never will enjoy this holiday.
not because i am against relationships and love.
i am actually quite the opposite.
but for me, i am not the romantic type.
maybe it's the insensitivity in me.
the assessment test also said that.
i am pretty equal in insensitivity and sensitivity.
but it leans more towards insensitive.
if that makes any sense at all. haha
either way, that's the conclusion i've come to.

other than that, i just slept the day away.
went to sleep at 3:30 this morning,
woke up at 9.
then went back to sleep at 12.
and woke up at 6.
haha so i wasn't kidding. the day was gone.
buuuut, while i was complaing to a friend about today..
first of all he said something that just made me smile.
and second of all i told him hopefully tomorrow is better..
and he said "tomorrow will be as good as you make it."
caught me off guard and at the same time smacked some realization into my head.
first of all, i really just don't know what i'd do without this guy.
secondly, i CHOOSE to have things to complain about when actually, i have a great life.

thank you royce jones.
for being that small voice in my head.
i really wish you were still here. :[[

breathing God.

so i was talking to my friend last night online.
first of all, i have to tell you about this guy.
a really good guy who has just had to deal with many difficulties lately.
as tough as i know it has been for him, he's been keeping strong.
i wish he could be around again, just because he's one of the few who
really radiated God's love at this school. i'm glad we're friends. :]]
but one thing that always impresses me is the faith this guy has in God.
i talk to him and i always get some kind of inspiring little message from him.
He will tell me not to worry about things because God's got it under control,
or he will say that sometimes he feels alone, but he knows that God always has his back.
i admire that in him and i feel that he is definitely someone God has sent to encourage me.

now back to my point,
i have been pretty stressed about school, career choice, and life itself lately.
i was talking to him just now and he said something that really caught my attention.

"okay, close your eyes for 30 seconds and take deep breathes. focus on the breaths like make sure your mind is focused on the sound of air leaving and entering your body. and when your done tell me how you feel."

i did this and he talked about how HE feels when he does the same thing.

"there is this thing that people back in bible days used to say or something that when God breathed the breath of life into adam that he spoke his name "YAHWEH" into his breath. now i want you to do the same thing again but when you inhalen i want you to imagine the sound of the "yah" and when you exhale imagine the sound of "weh" and tell me what you think."

so again, i did this, and surprisingly i felt extremely comforted. which is exactly what i told him.

"its because when we take deep breaths to calm ourselves down were saying "yahweh" the one name that just means God in itself, nothing more and nothing less. so when we breath we breath God"

when i told him i was going to write this down because it is very encouraging he said..

"do that and remember it, whenever your felling stressed remember that your very breath is calling God's name.. i think God did that on purpose haha. God's smart like that. You know he knew that we would fall but he set up ways for us to communicate and find him if we want to, like some kind of national treasure type of thing haha."

all in all,
i have come to the point where it's as though i can not stress anymore.
i've reached the limit and my only option is leaving it up to God.
i'm so thankful that i have had the chance to meet someone who can show this to me.
sometimes, we just need that reassurance that God is there for us, no matter what.

a non-directional blog.

so i have nothing pre-planned to write in this blog..
i'm just writing.
today i was talking to adriana,
and we came to a confusing, yet very true conclusion on life.
first of all, growing up is NOT easy.
when i say not easy, i mean it is not a solid path built right at your feet.
i'd put it as more, bricks handed to you in hope you place each one in the right place.
i'm not saying i don't believe God has a plan,
because i really do, firmly believe this!
i just think that growing up, we have always been taught not to worry,
God will take control over everything.
I feel that this is only accurate if we are willing to follow His every command
and as the stupid humans we are, this RARELY ever happens.

i have been SO excited to go home.
in fact, homesickness would be an appropriate way to put it.
i don't think this is because i don't like my school, because i do. really.
it's just that the phrase "there's no place like home" has been a brick wall in my mind.
there is nothing that will knock this down, except going home.
i think it has a lot to do with the fact that it has been raining on and off since we got back.
i love the rain. i really really do.
but when that's all you see for 4 weeks straight, it kind of gets to you.
thankfully, the rain has subsided temporarily this week.

on a brighter note, i AM, in fact going home this weekend.
i can not wait to be back in my own room!
i am a little bit disappointed to,
because my family will still be routinely doing their jobs.
this meaning my parents at work and sister at school.
ohhh well. i don't really care!
as long as i am back home, it will be a good weekend.

well i guess i'm done complaining and being boring for tonight!

btw.. *he's pretty cute! ;]]